ferberized (so far)

until 5 days ago (so far), pistoy usually wakes up every 3-4 hours to feed. he was what experts call the "trained night feeder". there's nothing wrong with that, except that it means less continuous sleeping time for both parents and baby. pistoy needs to be able to "fast" while asleep. if he can do that, his quality of sleep *might* improve.

so we decided to do ferberize him, the progressive waiting method. the first time i heard of that was in a movie, Meet the Fockers. i thought that was ridiculous. but when it is printed on a book, and discussed by sleep-deprived parents, it seems like a very good thing to try. basically, when the baby starts crying, you have to hold your ground. don't carry, rock or feed him back to sleep. just let him know you are there, but don't do anything extra. then you leave the room. he will cry again, but wait for 1 minute before going back to console him again. every time he cries when you leave the room, you wait a longer period before returning to console him.

knowing pistoy, we tried to customize it a bit. we didn't carry, rock or feed him, but we did stroke his back, his head, hold his hands, and we gave him water. the number of minutes also varied (but still progressive), and we didn't leave the room. we just go back to our bed, where he couldn't see us.


1st night, he slept, woke up ng madaling araw and cried for an hour, nonstop.

2nd night, he slept, woke up ng madaling araw and cried for 30 minutes nonstop.

3rd night, he slept, woke up several times nung madaling araw and cried at intervals, 10, 15 and 30 minutes nonstop spread through the night.

4th night, he cried for 1.5 hours nonstop BEFORE going to bed, but slept continuously from 11pm-7am

5th night, he cried for 30 minutes nonstop BEFORE going to bed, nasuka (had to change him, and for a good measure dahil nasuka naman sya, mommy and daddy hugged him for a few minutes before putting him back to his crib), fussed for 10 minutes, then slept, and continuously slept from 9:45pm-6am. he woke up at 6am very hungry. fed him 5 oz of milk, then he went back to sleep.

sounds easy, right? no.

1st night, je was knocked out by fatigue and probably alcohol. he had 2 shots of vodka, trying to steel himself for the ordeal. he steeled himself alright. hindi sya magising. so i kind of dealt with it myself. ginising ko lang si je para marinig din ni pistoy yung boses nya. it was tough, but i was kind of expecting it dahil first night nga. i kept the room dim so i won't have to see pistoy's face. i could see his eyes glistening with tears though, and it broke my heart. are we doing the right thing? what is wrong with waking up every 3-4 hours to feed him anyway?

2nd night, je learned from his mistake and decided to "face the music". it wasn't as bad as the 1st night, but jecobie's voice was still hoarse from all the crying the past night. =( he would cry so loud that he ends up coughing from all the strain on his throat. so many times i wanted to pick him up and soothe him. he would pull our hands towards him, and sort of do the "karga mo ko" gesture. his eyes were pleading with us, and his face was just showing confusion why we're not picking him up. God, i hope this all ends soon!

3rd night, i wasn't sure if i wanted to continue with it. jecobie's cries seem to be stronger, although the time is shorter. i was expecting this would be the last night.i was very hopeful because they said babies usually take 3 nights to adjust. by this time, i was soooo tired from the previous nights' lack of sleep, and from the day's usual work that needs to be done.

4th night, while he was crying trying to go to sleep, i was already emailing my mom-friends asking for help. i was emotionally, physically and psychologically drained. why am i doing this to my son? what did he do to deserve this treatment from the people he trusted would care and look after him? i didn't have an answer. i was praying that we are not "breaking" anything in him. what if it leaves emotional scars kay pistoy? we still don't know if it did. but that night, je and i decided that we will wait 2 more nights. if pistoy wakes up crying, that will be the last night he will wake up crying. but jecobie slept through the night.

on the 5th night
there were so many variables that we had to improvise our decision a bit. since he was probably too full when he went to bed, kaya siguro sya iyak nang iyak. after nya kasi sumuka, ok na sya. he even smiled and played with us a bit nung pinapalitan ko ng damit at pinupunasan. this is The Night. if he cries, it's off.

after putting him to bed, he was only fussing (not crying!) for 10 minutes, then fell asleep. he slept through the night too.

i can't emphasize hard enough the pain and agony of hearing your child cry. especially since i know his cries were because he was hungry or wants to be held. we were on the point-of-no-return on the 4th night, but i was in pieces by then. je and i had looong discussions on what we should do next. i'm the one who is weak in my resolve to push through. my instincts tell me this should not go on if pistoy won't sleep through the night on the 4th night. but he did sleep through the night.

tonight is the 6th night, but Ferber already left our home. if jecobie sleeps through the night tonight, good. if not, i will attend to his needs right away, and cherish the moments when i am still his hero at 1am, 4am, whenever, when i walk into the room with a bottle of warm milk in hand. i can sleep some other time. for now, my child needs me.